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Kidushin 31

KIDUSHIN 31 (16 Sivan) - dedicated l'Zecher Nishmas Reb Avrohom ben Reb Shmuel Teichman by his son Mr. Sidney Teichman, by Mrs. Leah Teichman, by Mrs. Tzipora Lieber, by Mrs. Amy Kornfeld and by Mr. Berish Teichman.



(a) The Beraisa quoted by the Beraisa expert in front of Rav Nachman, says - that Hashem considers people who cause their parents Tza'ar (who treat them with disdain) - as if they had caused Him Tza'ar.


1. Rebbi Yitzchak learns from the Pasuk "Koh Amar Hashem, ha'Shamayim Kis'i, *ve'ha'Aretz Hadom Raglai*" - that when someone sins in secret (making out that nobody sees him), it is as if he was pushing the Shechinah's feet out of this world.
2. Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi learns from the Pasuk "M'lo Chol ha'Aretz Kevodo" - that it is forbidden to walk standing completely erect.
(c) Rav Huna B'rei de'Rav Yehoshua would not walk four Amos with his head uncovered - because, he said, the Shechinah was above his head.
(a) When the son of a widow asked Rebbi Eliezer what he should do if both his father and his mother asked him for a drink of water, he replied - that he should serve his father, since his mother, like himself, was obligated to honor his mother.

(b) Rebbi Yehoshua concurred with Rebbi Eliezer's ruling. When the same man repeated the question, but assuming that his mother was divorced - he gave him the strange answer that he should place a cup of water between them and cluck like one clucks at a chicken.

(c) What he really meant was - that his obligation towards both of them was equal, and he answered him in such a comical way because he realized that the She'eilah was not a practical one.

(d) And when he said 'mi'Bein Risei Einecha Nikar she'Ben Almanah Atah', he meant - that he could see from the fact that his eye-lashes had fallen out, that he must have cried a lot (a common thing to do upon losing one's parents - though it is unclear how he knew that it was his father who had died and not his mother).

(a) Ula Rabah Darshen at the entrance to the Bei Nesi'a that the Pasuk "Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Eretz Ki Sham'u *Imrei Ficha*, which is written in the plural because it refers to two of the Aseres ha'Dibros (counting "Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh" as one).

(b) When the kings heard ...

1. ... "Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh Lecha" - they contended that Hashem (Kevayachol) was only concerned with His own personal Kavod.
2. ... "Kabeid es Avicha ve'es Imecha" - they realized that their original contention was unfounded, and that He really cared about the well-being of K'lal Yisrael (that they should learn gratitude ... ). Consequently, if they had to be grateful to their parents for bringing them into the world, then how much more so to Hashem. who not only brought them into the world, but who also holds life and death in His Hands.
(c) Rava Darshened from the Pasuk "Rosh Devarcha Emes" - that 'the kings declared that Hashem's opening words ("Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh Lecha") were true, when they heard His subsequent words "Kabeid es Avicha ... " (like Ula Rabah learned from "Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Eretz").
(a) Dama ben Nesinah was a Nochri - who resided in Ashkelon, and who displayed exceptional honor towards his parents.

(b) The story is related about him to answer the She'eilah as to the extent of Kibud Av va'Eim, by ...

1. ... Rav Ula is - that when the Chachamim came to purchase from him goods to the value of six hundred thousand golden Dinrim (fifteen million Zuz), he refused to wake his father, under whose cushion lay the key to obtain the goods (even though it meant losing the sale).
2. ... Rav Yehudah Amar Shmuel quoting Rebbi Eliezer in a Beraisa - is the same, only this time they wanted onyx-stones for the Eifod (or precious stones for the Choshen).
(c) According to the text in the Beraisa, the same amount was involved here as in the first episode. According to Rav Kahana - it was eight hundred thousand golden Dinrim.

(d) Hashem rewarded Dama ben Nesinah - by arranging for a red heifer to be born in his herd the following year. He informed the Chachamim that even though he knew they would pay any price, he would only charge them the amount that he lost the previous year in honoring his father.

(a) A Jew who showed his parents the same respect as Dama ben Nesinah, would receive an even greater reward, based on a statement by Rebbi Chanina - who said that someone who performs an act which he is obligated to perform is greater than someone who volunteers to perform it.

(b) The reason for this is - because someone who is obligated to perform a Mitzvah, worries that he may not manage to fulfil it, whereas the person who volunteers, knowing that he can withdraw at any time with impunity, does not have this worry (Tosfos, DH 'Gadol') and the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos teaches 'the reward is commensurate with the Tza'ar.

(c) Initially, Rav Yosef, who was blind, would have made a feast on behalf of whoever would rule like Rebbi Yehudah - who ruled that a blind man is exempt from the Mitzvos, and Rav Yosef thought at first, that someone who volunteers to perform an act is greater than someone who is obligated to perform it.

(d) What made him change his mind was - hearing Rebbi Chanina's statement.

(a) When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael, he added - that once Dama ben Nesinah was sitting in the company of the highest Roman dignitaries, when his mother (who was senile) arrived. She tore the silk garment (embroidered with golden threads) that he was wearing from him, beat him on the head and spat in his face, yet he did not retaliate.

(b) Avimi B'rei de'Rav Avahu describes how one can feed one's father quails and be driven out of the world for it - by serving the food with a scowl (demonstrating one's reluctance) rather than with a smile (like the story of the son who, when his father asked him where he obtained such wonderful food, told him to mind his own business and eat).

(c) And it is also possible to earn a portion in the World to Come for increasing one's father's work-load - like the son who undertook to work for the king (for an indefinite period) in place of his father, inviting his father to grind the corn instead of him.

(d) Avimi didn't just Darshen. He also practiced what he preached, as described by his father Rebbi Avahu. When Rebbi Avahu would arrive home, Avimi would run to open the door, shouting 'I'm coming! I'm coming', as he ran; and this, despite the fact that he already had three sons with Semichah.




(a) When Avimi once brought his father Rebbi Avahu, the glass of water that he had requested - he found that he had fallen asleep, so he waited there, bent over his father with the glass of water waiting for him to wake up.

(b) Whilst he was waiting for his father to wake up, a wonderful D'var Torah occurred to him. He Darshened from the Pasuk (written in connection with the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash) "Mizmor le'Asaf" (when one would have expected the Pasuk to write "Kinah le'Asaf") - that Asaf sang (rather than lamented) because of Hashem's Chesed in pouring out his wrath on the wood and stones, and sparing the people.

(c) Rav Ya'akov bar Avuhah's problem in fulfilling the Mitzvah of Kibud Av va'Eim was - based on his parents' fussing over him, to the point that, the moment he returned from Yeshivah, his father would run to pour him out a glass of wine, and his mother would dilute it.

(d) Abaye advised him to accept the service of his mother but not that of his father - who was a Talmid-Chacham, and would therefore resent it if he did.

1. Rebbi Tarfon used to honor his mother - by going down on all fours for her to climb in and out of bed via his back.
2. When Rebbi Tarfon's mother (see Maharshal) boasted about her son's phenomenal Kibud Av va'Eim, the Chachamim told her - that he had not reached even a half of the ideal Kibud Av va'Eim. That he would only do when he allowed his mother to throw his purse into the sea without retaliating.
(b) When Rav Yosef used to hear his mother's footsteps approaching, he would to announce 'Let me stand up before the Shechinah!'

(c) Rebbi Yochanan never saw his parents - because his father died on the day that he was conceived, and his mother, on the day that he was born.

(d) He commented - that such a person was fortunate (because it is impossible to show them the respect that they deserve, and was is bound to fall short of one's obligations).

(a) Abaye never saw his parents either.

(b) We reconcile this with the fact that Abaye would often declare 'Amrah Li Eim' - by interpreting 'Eim' to mean his nanny (the foster-mother who brought him up).

(c) Rav Asi did whatever he could for his elderly mother. What eventually made him leave her to go and live in Eretz Yisrael - was her request for a husband who looked as handsome as him (which convinced him that she was senile).

(d) When Rav Asi heard that his mother had followed him and was on her way to Eretz Yisrael, he went and asked Rebbi Yochanan - whether he was permitted to leave Eretz Yisrael to go and greet her.

(a) Rebbi Yochanan replied in the negative - because he thought that Rav Asi wanted to leave Eretz Yisrael permanently.

(b) Rebbi Yochanan told him ...

1. ... initially - that he did not know, and that he should wait a little and then ask him again.
2. ... when he asked him a second time - that since he was bent on leaving Eretz Yisrael, Hashem should return him (to Bavel) in peace.
(c) When Rav Asi asked Rebbi Elazar whether Rebbi Yochanan's reply denoted anger - he replied that, if he had been, he would not have given him a B'rachah.

(d) When Rav Asi heard that, in the meantime, his mother had died, he commented - that, had he known (how much his mother really doted over him, and that his leaving would bring about her demise), he would never have left Bavel.

(a) The Tana of the Beraisa states that one honors one's father both during his lifetime and after his death. The Tana is speaking exclusively about matters to do with speech. To honor his father ...
1. ... during his lifetime - he should (assuming that people respect his father), always ask for the people to send him on errands and suchlike for his *father's* sake (intimating that his father needs his services).
2. ... after his death - he should always add after referring to him, 'Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo' (meaning that one accepts any punishment that his father is due to receive.
(b) The latter applies up to twelve months - after which time, most people are in any case taken out of Gehinom and placed in Gan Eden. After that, he should say instead 'Zichrono li'Verachah le'Chayei ha'Olam ha'Ba'.

(c) The Tana of another Beraisa states that the translator does not change 'the name of his father or his Rebbe' (when translating what the Darshen said). The Tana is referring to the father and Rebbe - of the Darshen (not of the translator himself, which there is no reason to permit).

(d) We cite as an example - Mar bar Rav Ashi, who (during the first year after Rav Ashi's death) would say to the translator 'Aba Mari, Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo', in place of which the translator would say to the people 'Rav Ashi'.

(a) Besides not standing or sitting in one's father's fixed place, the Tana of the Beraisa lists as examples of respecting one's father (or mother) - not contradicting him and not adding his own opinion to his father's to prove that he is right and his friends wrong.

(b) Besides providing him with food and drink, the four things listed by the Tana list as examples of honoring him are - clothing him and covering him (with the appropriate head-gear), accompanying him in, and accompanying him out.

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