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prepared by Rabbi Eliezer Chrysler
Kollel Iyun Hadaf, Jerusalem

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Kesuvos 4


1) A Chasan and Kalah who married (and who consummated their marriage) after his father or her mother died - must not only sleep separately, but they require watching; he sleeps with the men and she sleeps with the women.


(a) A Kalah whose mother died, is permitted to wear ornaments during the Sh'loshim (so that she should not be despised by her husband).

(b) We learned in the Beraisa that if the animals were already Shechted ... and the Chasan's father or the Kalah's mother died, they are permitted to marry even on Monday. Rafram bar Papa Amar Rav Chisda adds to this - that this only speaks when they have also added water to the meat, rendering it unfit to be re-sold in the store.

(c) Rav Ashi explains that Rav Chisda's ruling is confined to an average size town like Masa Mechsaya.

1. Rava says - that, with regard to a large town, even if water was already added, they will be forbidden to marry, because even at that stage, they will always be able to find purchasers.
2. Rav Papa says - that with regard to a small village - even if water was not yet added, they are permitted to marry, because even then, it is difficult to find purchasers.
(d) Rav Chisda's ruling is Halachah - because it is borne out by a Beraisa.
(a) We also separate the Chasan and the Kalah - if she becomes a Nidah.

(b) We have already learned that the Dinim of Aveilus shel Tzin'ah apply even during the days of rejoicing. We gauge D'varim shel Tzin'ah - by whether people can tell by what one is or what one is not, doing, that he is an Aveil.

(a) Rav Yosef Brei de'Rava quoting his father, qualifies the Din of separating the Chasan and the Kalah - by restricting it to where they have not yet consummated the marriage.

(b) When the Tana rules that we separate them even though they have already done so - he is speaking about Aveilus, whereas Rava is speaking about Nidah.

(c) The reason for this distinction is - because, whereas Aveilus is not so stringent in people's eyes, and the Tana needed to take a strict line with them, Nidah, which carries with it a Chiyuv Kareis, people take seriously, and Rava is able to issue a lenient ruling.

(d) We therefore need to amend *'ve'Chein* Mi she'Pirsah Ishto Nidah, Hu Yashein ... ' - to read 've'Chein Mi she'Pirsah Ishto Nidah, *ve'Lo Ba'al*, Hu Yashein ... '.




(a) Rav Yitzchak bar Chanina Amar Rav Huna forbids a Nidah to dilute her husband's cup of wine, make his bed and wash his face, hands and feet of (these will be discussed later in Perek Af-al-Pi) - because they are all acts of endearment, and can easily lead to intimacy.

(b) The Tana of the Beraisa says - that a woman in Aveilus is permitted to perform these things.

(c) What we learned earlier (that we are more lenient with regard to Nidah than to mourning, because people tend to take it more seriously than Aveilus) pertains to when the *man* is an Aveil; whereas when it is the woman, we are less stringent by Aveilus than by a Nidah - because she will not let him contravene her Aveilus.

(d) We know that the Tana of the latter Beraisa is speaking about when it is the woman who is in Aveilus, and not her husband - because the Tana speaks about her not wanting to put on make-up.

6) There is no difference whether he is an Aveil or she is - as regards putting on make-up. Both are forbidden.


(a) We query this distinction from another Beraisa however, where the Tana obligates the man to practice mourning together with his wife, and his wife together with him. The Tana says nothing about their having to sleep separately - which leads us to believe that the previous distinction that we made (between his Aveilus and hers) is incorrect.

(b) After amending the Seifa of the Beraisa (when *he* is an Aveil) to read 'Hu Yashein bein ha'Anashim ... ', we explain that '*ve'Chein'* Hi she'Meis Chamihah ... ' - refers to putting on make-up, but not to sleeping separately (which is not necessary when *her* mother or father die).

(c) We really *are* afraid that they will treat his Aveilus lightly. Consequently, when the Tana says 've'Noheges *Imo* Aveilus' - he means, not in the same bed (which is forbidden) but in the same room (in his presence).

(a) When the father-in-law of Rav's son Rav Chiya, died - Rav instructed him to practice Aveilus whenever he was in his wife's presence (in deference to his wife).

(b) There is no difference between a husband's behavior when his wife is an Aveil, or the behavior of a wife when her husband is an Aveil, in this regard - as is clear from our Sugya.

(a) According to Rav Ashi - the reason that in our original Beraisa, Chazal were stringent with the Chasan and Kalah (to sleep in separate rooms) is - because they initiated a leniency there, and we are afraid that the Chasan and Kalah will exploit it; whereas in the previous Beraisa, where this fear is not applicable, they did not necessitate it.

(b) According to Rebbi Eliezer, the period of Shiv'ah begins as soon as the Meis leaves the house. Rebbi Yehoshua says - that it begins from the moment they cover the coffin (after placing it in the grave (see Tosfos DH 'ad').

(c) By citing this Machlokes - we prove that Rav Ashi could not have been referring to the leniency of permitting Bi'ah when the Chasan and Kalah were Aveilim, because they were not yet Aveilim.

(d) So he must have been referring to the leniency of celebrating the Sheva B'rachos before beginning the Aveilus.

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