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Prepared by P. Feldman
of Kollel Iyun Hadaf, Yerushalayim
Rosh Kollel: Rabbi Mordecai Kornfeld

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Kesuvos 4


(a) They have marital relations, but afterwards they separate;
(b) They celebrate the 7 days of partying (of newlyweds), followed by 7 days of mourning.
1. All 14 days, he sleeps among men, and/or she among women.
(c) The bride may use cosmetics as she desires, even during the first 30 days of mourning.
(d) All this only applies when the Chasan's father or bride's mother died, for no one else will toil to prepare another Chupah; if the Chasan's mother or bride's father died, the burial and mourning precede the Chupah.
(e) (Rav Chisda): Permission to postpone the burial and mourning on account of having slaughtered animals only applies if water was put on the meat; otherwise, the meat can be sold.
1. (Rava): In a large city, even if water was put on the meat, it can be sold (so we must delay the Chupah).
2. (Rav Papa): In a village, even if water was not put on the meat, it cannot be sold (so we may delay the burial and mourning).
(f) Question: If so, where does Rav Chisda's law apply?
(g) Answer (Rav Ashi): In a middle-sized city.
(h) A Beraisa supports Rav Chisda.
(i) (Beraisa): Also, if the bride becomes Nidah, he sleeps among men, and/or she among women.
(j) Whether or not there is an Ones, the first act of marital relations may not be on Shabbos night nor Saturday night.
(a) The Beraisa taught that he sleeps among men, and/or she among women.
(b) This supports R. Yochanan, who says that even though we do not show signs of mourning on a festival (and a Chasan has the same law as a festival), private matters (i.e. relations) are forbidden.
(c) (Rav Yosef Brei d'Rava): We only say that he sleeps among men, and/or she among women, if they have not yet had relations.
(d) Question: But the Beraisa says that they sleep among men/women, even though they have had relations!
(e) Answer: Rav Yosef only referred to the case where she became Nidah.
(f) Question: But the Beraisa says "And so" (which connotes that the cases are identical)!

(g) Answer: It means, "and so, a bride who became Nidah before they had relations", they sleep among men/women.
(h) We are more stringent by mourning than by Nidah - it must be, the Chasan is not as careful to refrain from relations during mourning, as he is to refrain from relations with a Nidah.
(i) Question (R. Yitzchak Bar Chanina): a Nidah may do everything a woman does for her husband, except for mixing his drink, making his bed, and washing his face, hands and feet(and this is more stringent than by a mourner!)
1. (Beraisa): Even though a man may not force his wife to color her eyes and Pokeses (a type of beautification) during her mourning, she may mix his drink, make his bed, and wash his face, hands and feet!
(j) Answer#1: That refers to her mourning; the restrictions of a man during his own mourning are more stringent than those of a Nidah.
1. Question: The Beraisa said that they sleep among men and women, whether the Chasan's father or bride's mother died!
2. Answer: The case where the bride's mother died was taught regarding the postponement of burial and mourning, not regarding the need to sleep among men/women.
3. Question: Is there really a difference between his and her mourning?
4. (Beraisa): If a woman lost a parent, her husband cannot force her to color her eyes and Pokeses; rather, he inverts his bed and mourns with her;
5. Similarly, if a man lost a parent, his wife may not color her eyes and Pokeses; rather, she inverts her bed and mourns with him.
6. Answer: During his mourning, they sleep among men/women.
7. Question: But it says, "And so"!
8. Answer: This refers to coloring eyes and Pokeses.
9. Question: It says, she mourns with him - doesn't this mean, in the same bed?
10. Answer: No, it means in his presence.
11. Chiya's wife was a mourner; Rav told his son Chiya to conduct as a mourner only in front of her.
(k) Answer#2 (Rav Ashi): A person is normally careful about mourning. In our case, we were lenient, so we must add stringencies so he will not treat it lightly.
(a) Question: What is the leniency of this mourning?
1. If you will say, that they may have relations before the burial - this is no leniency, mourning has not yet begun!
i. R. Eliezer says that mourning begins when the coffin leaves the house.
ii. R. Yehoshua says that mourning begins from the sealing of the coffin.
(b) Answer: The leniency is that the week of mourning is postponed until after the 7 days of festivities.
(c) (Beraisa): Whether or not there is an Ones, the first act of relations may not be on Shabbos night nor Saturday night.
1. We understand that Shabbos night is not allowed, because he makes a wound.
(d) Question: What is the problem with Saturday night?
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